A good marriage nurtures and enhances your life while a troubled one can be enormously painful and destructive. When things are going well between you, you feel fine wherever you are, but when things are not going well it often negatively affects your mood and other areas of your life. That’s because the state of your relationship creates the emotional atmosphere and mood in which you live.
A relationship is an attachment. Breaks in the attachment are caused by disappointments-unfulfilled expectations and wishes. Expectations are based on reality and precedents, while wishes are the stuff that dreams are made of. In healthy relationships, couples reattach relatively quickly when these breaks occur. Usually, one person tends to initiate reattachment.
A healthy marriage requires “mutual accommodation”. Unfortunately, and especially for men, accommodation can feel like submission. It isn’t-accommodation takes strength; submission doesn’t.
In addition to love, the other major component of a healthy marriage is respect. Together, they create conditions for mutual accommodation.
With rare exception, an affair is a symptom of unresolved marital problems. When marriages are good, people don’t have affairs.
After an affair is discovered, one essential element of re-establishing trust is absolute “transparency”. There is nothing that the wounded spouse can ask about their partner’s present and future activities that is off limits.
Communication is the lifeblood of contact. Contact is essential–without contact, the relationship, and parts of us, wither.
It’s easy to neglect the relationship, especially after you become parents. Be sure to make time for the relationship.